September 8, 2012

There was a huge war that was an ultimate showdown of some kind.  Before the war there was a very anxious time, like a huge threat hanging over my head – it seems like it’s more than just MY head.  So in this war I stage this battle apparently  – but that’s unclear too (that I staged it).  But the battle was staged and an army of martial artists, like Ninja super kung fu warriors appear in this area, about a hundred of them dressed in gis. They seemed … I can’t say – the atmosphere kept changing from gold to dark tan.  The warriors were all on a platform under a large pagoda, and as soon as they appeared, ready to fight (no other army was in sight) there was a blast of darts seemingly from out of nowhere.  They were all hit by several darts and they all died instantly. It was like when I looked to see where the darts came from, I saw they all came from one guy who was standing behind me on a raised platform.  He was like a super ultra martial artist, dressed in a white gi.  As I’m looking at him standing there I’m suddenly not sure if he is my enemy or on my side and I don’t know if the army was my army or the enemy.  I have no idea and it’s baffling.  At some point I’m talking to someone or in some way got the idea that the army was all of my identities and that this whole thing could be about enlightenment. In the end the “one” won out.  But there was some more consideration like: was the battle really over and was there going to be another battle. And I had the question of whether the One had higher warriors on his side.  I questioned what did it mean that he won and I still didn’t know where I fit in.  Now as I think of it there might have been the idea that I could change sides since I didn’t know which side was my side why not be on the side of the One.  However I wasn’t sure that the One wasn’t evil.  It seemed that one of these sides had to be evil.  At one point there was even an uncertainty that the Ninja army was actually dead.  There was a body of water and they were all floating like dirt clods in the water.  It reminded me of all the Asian lady bug larvae on my plants in my garden where it looked like there were dozens of dead ones but they had only shed their skins, and many were pupating.  I decided that no side is the right one, no path is the right one, and I even have to let go of the “One” and surrender to the truth.  The uncertainty represented letting go of my beliefs and attachments.

[[As far as identities go we are all shifting identities all day.  We all have hundreds of identities: father, mother, brother, friend, a different friend for each friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, shopper, walker, car driver, meditator, tv watcher, exerciser, book reader, and we have hundreds of them and they are just states that we shift into, all programmed in some way.  Some are very stuck and others very flexible and they are just disguises we wear to accomplish various things all day and they all have their various purposes and functions but they are not us.]]

The thing to work on in this dream is there was a kind of deep worry which I can’t describe.  It’s deeper than that like ‘what’s gonna happen?” as if this could be a terrible disaster but I have no clue what this disaster might entail but there is nothing I can conceive of that could play out as a disaster.  But something is terribly worrisome like if I lost (remember,  I didn’t know which side I’m on) it would be a huge mistake with dire consequences.  I cant say I would die or lose something or anyone else would die but there is the feeling of death in here.

[[This dream is actually more than a metaphor of my spiritual path.  Someone I have a strong spiritual connection to was dying during this time but I was unaware of it as I had no communication with her for many years.  I had several dreams about her dying but didn’t try to contact her.  She died a few weeks after this dream. I’m sure that’s what the “anxious time” and the “worry” represented.]]