March 30, 2014

I went to see Adyashanti speak in Sacramento today. I sat in the front row almost right in front of him and as he talked I was trying to sense something from him but didn’t get much so I just listened and contemplated reality. I entered the “world being” perspective and suddenly felt a sense of extreme ultimate aloneness which had a crushing feeling about it tinged with loneliness. The aloneness was just seeing the reality that there was nothing there but the totality – no people, no Pip. The loneliness was some unconscious reaction to that, probably linking to all my times of being very alone, and was the only thing that made the aloneness uncomfortable. But I could see how this aloneness rendered everything – all thought, all knowledge, everything – moot; especially thoughts and thinking which depend on relationships for meaning. When there’s only “one”, there are no relationships. I felt like I was looking in a mirror and the mirror was about to crack and when it shatters I don’t know what will happen – that’s where surrender comes in. So I just sat there in surrender. Just let it go, let it happen, let that be. That’s when I felt like something was going to happen and I remembered the dream from a few nights ago. But everything didn’t explode into white light, as far as I recall.  :  )  Since I’m so familiar with Adya’s ideas I don’t remember much of what he said as nothing stood out as new; except that I did get a sense of some power in his delivery which I can’t put my finger on but which I never picked up watching his videos. Like there was a steel blade behind his words. Then during the Q and A the first question was about aloneness and surrender. Interesting. I didn’t have any questions.

Most of the other questions were really just expressions of gratitude. Later outside I was walking away but had the urge to go back and sit in front of the building for a bit where there was seating around the trees, so I did. I noticed a lady sitting to my right and our eyes met and there seemed to be a connection. Then I realized she was one of the people who had talked with Adya during the Q&A period, and had talked about her spiritual transformation. So I debated for a moment and went over and introduced myself and asked if I could talk with her. There was a moment where I seemed to know that I had to sit on the other side of her so I did (some intuition there). We shared our stories briefly. She had experienced an awakening some time back which she referred to by saying “I died”. Which I took to mean her ego died. I tried to see what I could sense from her while she told me her fascinating story. She was very expressive facially and had some lively energy but I sensed no games even though there was a bunch of programming rolling around in her. This energy seemed to not be controlling her or bothering her, which was interesting and mysterious. I don’t know if she was enlightened but it seemed like her consciousness was not being influenced by her personality much. Kind of magical.

Here’s her story: She was depressed and in some existential crisis a few years earlier and listening to Adyashanti, doing meditation, and trying to wake up. She didn’t seem to be getting anywhere and was feeling desperate, so when she heard of a guy who claimed to help people awaken using LSD she was interested. After some communication with the guy she decided to employ his services and met him one weekend at some forest location. She said the drug experience was like being in Hell – a totally living nightmare. She did not awaken and was very angry at the guy afterward . She did not ever want to experience that again. But then something changed – it was like something had gotten released or healed during that experience and she felt the urge to try it again. The second time was completely different and she said she had a real spiritual awakening. She then saw the guy a third time and she said the LSD had no meaningful affect at all, and she knew she was done. I’ve never taken LSD and to do so feels like cheating to me for some reason. But I have used marijuana and found it to be very helpful and insightful in a lot of ways.