November 15, 2013

I was meditating and letting everything; letting go of all my thoughts and then of all my perceptions and at one point it reminded me of dying where I have to let go of everything.  So I imagined letting go of my body and my life and my memories and everything I could imagine. There was also just the sense of letting my life BE as opposed to having any kind of attachment to it.  As I continued to let go there was a feeling of  traveling into a pure expanse of nothing, or of vast space, or of light.  It was a good feeling not in the sense of joy but in the sense of setting down a heavy burden.  I recognized also a kind of a trust in letting go, that it will be ok.  You don’t know if you will ever see this life or this body or anything you are familiar with ever again or even have any memories of this life at all.  You trust because the trust is that what you DO have is unshakable.  What you do have is something you cant lose.  It’s funny because you have no mental connection to it; you have no thoughts about it and no memory of it or anything.  You’re not believing in it or trusting it based on any kind of belief or thought.  It’s like you’re letting go of everything that you were holding on to but the one thing you’re not holding onto is not something you can even let go of.  It’s what you are.

The trust in that, because you are still in duality, is really like you are trusting something beyond you, like God, that has always got your back.  It’s always with you.  It might be taking you away, like a parent taking you away from the candy store, but at least you know you are safe; you’re in  in safe hands, and that even though you don’t get to be with the candy, it’s ok.  There might be a little tantrum there but ultimately you know that you are loved, and you know that’s more important.