July 21, 2014
This is a series of related insights from my audio logs:
2-17-13 Insight of emptiness. It’s like you’re inside of a box with a flashlight and all your many senses, your body, and the world is all just a shell appearing on the walls of the box – yet you’re actually the entire infinite space around the box. So how did you get in the box with a flashlight anyway? And then I got distracted and recorded something about being silent and still and throwing everything out. And that’s why you throw everything out, because you let your attention not just be on what’s on the inside of the box. But the box is actually transparent so it’s like you’re looking through a glass box where projections appear on the sides of the box so you don’t see the infinite space anymore. It’s right there and you can see right through the glass into infinite space but now it seems to be all covered up with images and things – feelings, and a thousand sensory inputs. This came from doing deep relaxation and focusing on the silence and emptiness and trying to just BE in that, because it’s not really something you can see or feel but you can sense it. So I was sensing that intuitively in some way. But as Adya said, the truth has an intuitive regard for itself. So it’s not a “that” or a thing but it’s definitely an expansion. It takes kind of a mental form, which is just my mind making a form of it but it’s all just being.
11-2-13 I had a momentary insight sometime earlier, maybe last night, of “I am the screen” (referring to the movie screen metaphor where the world and all experience is the movie and consciousness is the screen). In that moment, everything seemed to be transparent. Thoughts, physical things, the world, everything, seemed to be transparent in a way that made everything seem not a problem, like empty; empty of any real substance or concern. It was confusing because I could see that beyond the transparency there was what I considered to be real in normal life and I couldn’t reconcile the fact that it wasn’t actually real, that is was empty and transparent. And I was simultaneously aware that there was this greater presence, which is the screen. So the idea was, well, I am the screen. So I had a moment of “I am the screen, I am the presence.” And it was almost like there was an even bigger presence witnessing “I am the presence”. Like the presence that was seeing through everything was more like a metaphor for the REAL presence in which THAT was happening.
7-8-14 I was thinking about how we are said to be already enlightened but we just don’t know it, so I asked “what is this awareness that is already aware of itself and is already enlightened?” and tried to sense it. That’s when a new shift occurred. My sense of the silent presence increased and for a few moments I felt some kind of blissful euphoria where everything else disappeared. Since then I am more aware of this presence like some kind of space around me. Like I’m a bubble inside a bigger bubble.
7-20-14 I feel like my life is secondary to something bigger – like my life is a minor thing, almost insignificant