September 22, 2018

I woke up and did some deep relaxation at 6:20 and fell back tp sleep. Just before waking up I saw myself lying in bed as a tiny figure, as if I were out of my body, although I was not lucid. Then I had the feeling of something falling away and as it did I became more lucid and clear headed. But what fell away was the ego and the whole sense of “me” and as it did I screamed “NOoooo!” but I did this with humor because I knew the “me” was a fantasy and always had been. There was an amazing sense of there being nothing that could be harmed or anything that could ever have a problem, and that the sense of a “me” was a simple illusion, like a fake knot that unties itself as you pull on the strings. There was also the understanding that this was surrender – ie the illusory idea was being let go of – but “I” did not let go of it – it vanished of its own accord by the recognition that it simply didn’t exist and everything is exactly what it is. This was a liberating moment! And I saw that this experience could not be anticipated or described – it was a surprise, and if I experience it again it will again be a surprise. But the main thing was that this was real – the whole sense of the end of the delusion of being separate from everything I experience was very real for a moment, but quickly faded. However my sense of detachment from all my experience, which I have been feeling for some time, on and off, is now easier to reach through self inquiry.