March 9, 2011

The insight lasted only a split second.  I was meditating at the time.  It was like a “peek behind the curtain” where I saw the truth clearly but it was so brief I was left only with some small impressions.  So I called Adyashanti during his internet radio program, which was the same day,  and told him about it.  In the moment of insight I realized that everything I believed in was wrong; that all my beliefs had no real foundation and that all my cherished attachments and everything I cared about were complete illusions.  The crux of why I bounced out of the realization concerned some instant judgements my mind made.  Adya jumped on that, having me describe these judgements. One was that if nothing I believed in was true then this was a total loss of everything I knew.  Also it seemed too easy and too good to be true. This moment of incredulity was too much to grasp and the impulse was that I had to go think about it and try to digest it. But the response was automatic, like touching a hot stove.  And so I instantly lost the perspective.  But nothing IN the experience suggested that I needed to digest it – that was just my mind freaking out.  When I look at the moment of clarity it seems like the most sane and clear viewpoint I have ever experienced.  Like I peeked my head out of the clouds of chaos and saw that the chaos was just an illusion.  In that instant everything became clean and pure, like a breath of fresh air.  It was really like waking up from a dream.  Adya said “that’s why they call it waking up.”  He called my experience a foretaste and his advice was to not try and grasp it but to just notice it and carry on.  This is all on the CD you can get from his website.